Curiosity has never been one of my better traits. Being sent out of class for asking too many questions was common when I was small. Explore, learn, apply.
As I approached the second half of my second decade in existence, I started reading voraciously. In a teenage world where bookworms are shunned and knowledge is seen as a dirty word, I was making an inconvenient decision.
In the words of an academically inclined friend who had no interests outside of the textbooks, “Thinking makes me tired.” God-given intelligence has obviously been wasted on her.
God. Who created us, how did we get here, where will we be going after we die. These questions tugged at me too. What else can I turn to but books?
Perhaps it would be better to trace my own footsteps in religion before I continue?
I grew up in a semi-religious background with pseudo-religious parents. Like most typical Chinese families, we label ourselves as Buddhists but are actually practicing Taoists.
At the same time, I accepted invitations to churches by well-minded friends. I’ve seen my fair share of tears, answered prayers, and outpouring of love. However, I was also very uncomfortable with their church-speech, praying for minor events like examinations or their pet’s birth.
To my logical mind, I was puzzled. If your loved one has cancer or some illness, it is obviously part of “God’s plan” so therefore why pray for Him to change it?
Yet Christianity held a certain appeal for me. The promise of a Loving God, close friendships and I saw the certainty the flock had. I wanted to be part of this movement. It feels modern, juxtaposed to temples with old folks. Now in hindsight, it is simply the evolution of religion and Christianity has been the fastest in the race.
Reading widely is not enough, I questioned my friends and parents. Relationships soured, my parents were not exactly in the best of moods. I mean, if you trace the roots of Taoism, it’s just plain silly! Some dude had a dream about Lao Tzu speaking to him 300 years after his death and he starts dabbling in the occult in the Wise Sage name. Bullocks if you ask me. I asked my Christian friends about scripture. I received answers that ranged from hopeful to pure despondent.
“Why not you come down and we’ll share with you personally, meanwhile I’ll keep you in prayer” (lovely, I hope you do keep a list)
“It is said in the Bible that Satan meddled with some of the verses, so we cannot trust everything in the Bible” (wtf? In scientific terms, once the legitimacy of a text is questioned, you throw out everything!)
“So what if you’ve read more (of the Bible) than me, I know and have experienced God’s love so I know he is real” (other than being defensive, totally doesn’t help anything at all)
Facing a roadblock here, I turned to books again. I read The Purpose Driven Life, Case for Christ, The God Delusion, God is not Great etc. I believed myself to get a clear view of both sides. I also read up on the lighter version of Charles Darwin Origin of Species which made me doubt the story about Intelligent Design(on the third day…). Reading about anthropology and the lives of apes allowed me to realize that in terms of societal structure and relationships, we are not different at all!
The life story about Jesus being so similar to other mythical Gods and their births, thou shalt not comment about it here.
Being in a (multi)religious country like Singapore, it is the mainstream and the view held by the government that religion is for the common good. Yet, I discovered a new wave of thinking, Atheism, Agnosticism, Pantheist, Freethinkers.
Can non-religious people be moral? Do they have a purpose in life?
Why not?
Finally, I read about news (not covered in Singapore), about the Vatican protecting child molesting priests. Wars in Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh because of religion. How can one not get outraged by it? To my simplistic thinking, if religion is a thing of the past, these petty conflicts will disappear. Humans can then focus on bigger world issues, like food, poverty and disease management.
Lately with newer kids on the block like Scientology and Mormonism gaining in popularity with even more absurd stories, now I just think most people will believe anything.
As Thomas Jefferson, Founding Father of America said, “Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because if there be one he must approve of the homage of reason more than that of blindfolded fear.”
Wow, you’ve read this far. Please tell me I am not the only person thinking this way 